I Never
by Sodoshiin
Summary: YAOI!! Quatre wakes up one morning and....


I Never- by Sodoshiin TempleofSodoshiin.homestead.com  
  
Disclaimer- 1. The GW boys aren't mine, I don't own them....(dammit...)  
2. I'm poor, don't sue me.  
  
Quatre threw an arm over his face and moaned slightly, grabbing for the blanket as the sun hit him.   
His head was killing him.  
Throbbing to the point where he wanted to shoot himself was more acurate.  
God, what had he DONE last night....  
He moaned and shifted, trying to roll onto his stomach, but something was keeping him in place, something was tugging at him from behind.  
Then his eyes were wide open, gripping the blanket. He pulled it from his shoulder and looked down.  
He was completely naked.  
And there was an arm around his waist, curling over his stomach from behind. He gasped, his chest heaving.  
What was going on?!  
He carefully reached down and lifted the arm, sliding it off him and looked over his shoulder.  
A dark brown head was resting against his bare back, soft warm breath against his skin.   
Quatre whimpered slightly and tried to pull away, but found that, once again, he couldn't. Only this time he realized that the tugging wasn't just coming from behind him, it was coming from inside. His face paled.  
"Oh God..." he muttered, freezing up. The body behind him moved slightly, the arm going back over the blonde's waist. A soft, masculine sigh emited from the form and the head moved, mouth pressing against one slender shoulderblade.   
Quatre felt his eyes tearing up and he choked.  
He'd lost his virginity and didn't even remember it.  
The bed on the other side of the room was empty with the exception of the piles of discarded clothing.  
He moved warily as he managed to detatch himself from the other boy completely and slid off the bed, landing on the floor on his butt. His comforter had been thrown to the floor some time during the night so he dragged it around him, covering his entire body.  
Then the pain hit.  
And the horrible nausea.  
Quatre rushed to the bathroom and fell to the floor before the toilet, emptying his insides into it.  
Tears rained from his eyes as he gasped to take in air as the next wave of vomit came up.  
He felt dirty, and used, and disgusted.  
And hurt.  
He'd never been drunk before, it had been Duo's idea to bring out the four bottles of berry Schnapps....he didn't remember much after that...  
The vomit came again and more tears fell.  
His body was shaking hard enough for the blanket to fall down from his shoulders. He tried to let in a breath but was choked by the substance coming out of his mouth. Once it was over, he sobbed and took in as much breath as he dared before the next wave came.  
He felt a hand on his bare shoulder, rubbing in a comforting manner as the blonde felt the last of his sickness empty into the toilet.  
With a numb hand, he reached up and pulled the tab on the toilet, flushing everything.  
"You okay?" A sympathetic voice called.  
Quatre was immediately pressed against the wall, looking almost terrified up at the inquiring gundam pilot, who stood in a few feet away, the sheet around his waist. There were rings under the taller pilot's eyes, as if were experiencing the effects of the alcohol as well.  
"Quatre? Are you alright?"  
"No!" the blonde shouted, pulling the blanket around him tighter.   
Trowa closed his eyes and put a hand to his head. "Please don't yell..."  
Quatre was shaking, tears threatening his eyes. "What happened last night?"   
Trowa opened his eyes and blinked at the other. "What? You don't remember?" He shook his head. "I have to admit, my head's pretty hazy too..."  
Quatre swallowed. "....we had sex together...." Trowa looked guilty. He felt dizzy suddenly. No....no this couldn't be happening.... "Oh God...."  
"Quatre?" Trowa asked, voice concerned as he took a step foreward.  
"Don't-come-near-me!" Quatre inched farther backward intil his entire right side was hugging the wall. His voice turned into a choked sob. "Please....just get away from me...."  
Trowa pulled away, blinking, and nodded. The he was gone. Quatre heard him in the next room collecting his belonings. A minute later the door opened and closed and Quatre was left, alone in the bathroom, holding himself.  
  
  
Duo sat at the kitchen table, eyeing his orange juice as if it was the most unbelivably horrid thing in the world. After a few seconds of keeping his head level, his forehead went down at the hull and connected with the table's surface. "......ow...." he muttered. "....itai...."  
"Uh~uh~uhhhhh..." Wufei replied, leaning sickly in the doorway. "Remind me to beat the hell out of you later, Baka...." he burped and moaned again. "Once my bodily functions are back in order...."  
Heero walked in past the ailing pilot, taking a sip form his cup of coffee. Despite the alcohol intake he had suffered the night before, Heero looked completely normal.  
"I hate you to a point that it cannot be discribed....." Wufei told him as he brought his hand to his head.  
"That's what painkillers taken the night before will do for your stamina..." Duo muttered from the haven of his arms. "He's not human, I tell you. And I should know...."  
Trowa descended from the stairs, buttoning up his shirt. Quiet.  
"Morning...." Duo muttered, noting nothing unusual with his friend.  
Trowa mumbled something in response and walked to the refrigerator, pulling out the carton of orange juice.  
"Where's Quatre?" Heero asked.  
Trowa's body stiffened and he glanced over his shoulder. Still saying nothing he reached into the cupboard and pulled out a glass.  
Heero watched him for a second, until Duo began moaning and groaning again.  
"Aw, man...poor Quatre..." Duo sighed. "His head must be killin' him. That was his first time...it's a good thing he went to bed early last night though before things got worse."   
("Aw...come on Trowa, just a lil' gu'night kiss......" Quatre giggled, his eyes crossing slightly, pulling the taller pilot onto the bed next to him and wrapping his arms around the others neck, pulling him close.)  
Trowa put a hand to his head and emitted a small, paindriven sigh. "I need some Asprin...."  
"There's some in the medicine cabinet..." Wufei told him, gesturing in the direction of the downstairs bathroom. "Go for it..."  
Trowa nodded, leaving his orange juice on the counter and headed past the chinese man into the hallway.  
  
  
Quatre dressed quietly, slowly. He wanted to go back to sleep but wouldn't dare go near the bed that....oh God...  
I get drunk ONCE and SEE what HAPPENS!! he yelled at himself. God, Quatre, you weakling...  
He couldn't comprehend how it could have happened. One second he was down in the livingroom, taking his first sip of alcohol, the next, he was lying naked in bed with Trowa...  
He closed his eyes and swallowed.  
  
Once he was in the bathroom Trowa shut the door and turned the water on. Spashing a few cold handfulls onto his face he opened up the cabinet and pulled out the small bottle of Asprin, popping two into his mouth and swallowing. As he shut the cabinet he looked at his face in the mirror and sighed.   
God, I was so drunk last night....  
Inexcusable....another part of his brain countered. You still should have done something to stop what happened....  
He closed his eyes breifly.  
("We're drunk." Quatre giggled, kicking lightly as he pulled his pants off. "REEEEEEALLY drunk.....")  
(Trowa blinked to keep his eyes from crossing and shook his head to clear it. "Hey, there's two of you....")  
(Quatre erupted into a fit of giggles and landed on top of him, kissing. "Yer so cuuute...")  
(Trowa muttered something, throwing his arms around the body on top of him. He blinked. "Hey, where'd yer clothes go....")  
(Trowa was staring at the naked flesh like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. Quatre, who never even took his shirt off when he went swimming, was lying naked before him. He was surprised to see that the boy wasn't scrawny at all, but leanly built, the muscles in his arms and back rolling as the boy moved. He touched one bare shoulder, marveling at the softness of the skin and watching, fascinated at the difference in color between the two of them. The skin that was never exposed to the sun was a milky white, like porcelain against his own. And with drunken embarassment, he found that he was begining to grow aroused by the boy's squirming.)  
("Weee!!" Quatre cried, rolling off the other boy and flopping to the floor with a loud THUD. He peaked over the edge of the bed at the other boy and giggled drunkenly. "Whoops...heeeheee..." He tugged on Trowa's shirt. "Take yers off now, You'll feel lots better....it's like bein' FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!") He landed on the floor on his back and wiggled around joyously.)  
("SHHHH.." Trowa put a finger to his mouth but couldn't keep it there without losing his balance as he sat up, watching the pale form below him. "Yer gonna wake th'others......bigmouth...")  
("They're already up......shithead." Quatre giggled and climbed back onto the bed as Trowa lazily dragged his shirt over his head and tossed it onto the floor.)  
("No." Quatre giggled, standing and picking the garment up, then wobbily walked over and tossed it onto Trowa's bed. "Don' make'a mess...")  
(Trowa muttered something and began to take off his pants.)  
Trowa threw a few more handfulls of water onto his face and sighed. I should have stopped it....  
He looked at his reflection in the mirror. You're a bastard Trowa Barton....  
  
Quatre walked into the kitchen carefully, making sure that Trowa was no where to be seen before he sat down at the kitchen table beside Duo.  
"You look lovely." Duo commented, glancing at his friend.  
Quatre didn't reply.  
"You hungry?" Heero asked, looking up rom his newspaper.  
Quatre shook his head. Then suddenly he froze up as Trowa entered the room through the hallway.   
Duo watched as the boy paled and saw Trowa hesitate before deciding to come in. He grabbed his orange juice then was gone again.  
Quatre relaxed a little and glanced over his shoulder at Trowa's disappearing form, then stood, heading back for the stairs. "I'll talk to you guys later...."   
Duo and Heero looked at one another and Wufei just blinked. "What was that all about?"  
  
There was a knock at the door and the blonde jumped. "Who is it?" he cried, hoping to God it wasn't Trowa.  
"It's Duo..." a sickly moan called from the other side of the door. "I was just coming to see if you were-" The door opened and Duo was dragged in. Quatre shut the door behind them and leaned against it. Duo blinked at him. "Oh, oh hey...man, I didn't think the hangover would be that bad..look, it'll be okay in a few hours...."  
Quatre hunched over and slid into a sitting position on the floor. Duo watched him, coming to the conclusion that something else was wrong. "Quatre? What happened?" He tilted his head. "You and Trowa have been acting weird all morning. I know that hangovers are bad but you guys are just starting to worry me."  
Quatre felt tears fall from his eyes. "Trowa and I had sex last night..."  
Duo's face turned from concern to shock. "WHAT! Wow, you guys sure move fast..." Then Duo quieted and moved to sit next to him. "...I'm guessing you didn't want it to happen...."  
"I don't remember ANYthing..." the small blonde cried. "I just woke up and he was there."  
  
Trowa stood, hand still suspended a few inches from Quatre's door about to knock when he heard talking and stopped, knowing it was wrong to listen in but something held him there.  
"Are you sure, I mean, maybe you didn't have sex, maybe you just fell asleep..." he heard Duo saying.  
"We were naked...."  
"Maybe you fell asleep naked then....I mean, you WERE drunk...people do weird things when they're drunk...."  
"When I woke up...he was still.........in me..."  
"......oh.................Was that your first time?"  
"Yeah......"  
Trowa's eyes went wide....His heart dropped into his stomach and he closed his eyes. "Oh God Quatre, I'm so sorry...." he whispered.  
"Woah...man, I'm sorry...."  
"I don't even remember it.......I feel like a whore...."  
Trowa felt something jerk in his chest, horrible guilt, and felt like he wanted to vomit.  
"You're not a whore, Quatre. You both just got drunk and made a mistake, that's all....."  
Trowa moved back a step. He'd heard enough. There was an unusual sting in his eyes as he turned and walked down the hall, away from the door and toward the stairs.  
  
"...And it could have been a lot worse." Duo coninued. "You could have ended up in bed with HEERO who DEFINATELY leaves you sore in the morning...." He gasped. "Oh, man...are you hurt?"  
Quatre blinked. "Huh? What do you mean?"  
"Does it hurt? You know..." He pointed to his rear.  
Quatre flushed brightly and shook his head.  
Duo's face quirked. "Really? Wow, you'd think after havin' someone in you overnight would leave you tender....I guess that mean's Trowa wasn't too rough..."  
Quatre continued to blush. "What am I gonna do? I can't face him..."  
"I wonder if HE remembers what happened...." Duo said, thoughtfully. "Do you want me to ask him?"  
"No!" Quatre cried. "Don't bring it up! I don't want him to think I just went off and told everyone what happened!"  
"You don't even REMEMBER what happened." Duo reminded him. "Don't worry, maybe it'll help-"  
"Duo, please don't...." Quatre sighed, wiping a hand over his eyes. Duo started to say something but faultered. "I....I don't want him to be mad at me....I mean.....I like him, Duo....really....I like him a lot...."  
"Like as in like, or like as in LIKE." Duo turned his head, studying the other young man.  
Quatre bit his lip. "I think I love him...."  
The other young man blinked. "Really?...Wow....I-I never would have guessed. I mean, I thought you guys were really good friends but I never really thought..."  
"I was never going to tell him...." Quatre continued. "You know how he was abused when he was a kid. I didn't want him to feel awkward or digusted. And even if I wanted to now it would just be too awkward...like I'd be saying it because we....you know..." He sighed. "There's just something about him....I'm so comfortable with him and just being with him makes me happy, even if we don't talk or anything...it's like there's these butterflies rolling around in my stomach..."  
Duo grinned. "N'aw!!! Q-chan's in lo~ove!" Quatre tossed a look at him and he giggled. "Sorry."  
The blonde's face saddened. "But that still doesn't change what happened... I mean, I wasn't ready...and I know he doesn't feel the same way....that's what really hurts. I'm just this little kid that tags along with him everywhere...."  
"Cheer up." Duo told him. "It's open for conversation now that you slept with each other."  
"Oh, gee thanks..." Quatre rolled his eyes.  
Duo patted him on the back. "Well, at least you're feeling better."  
  
(Quatre was on top of him again, this time straddling his now naked waist. Taking Trowa's face in his hands he kissed the other pilot on the lips. "Mmmm...")  
(Trowa's common sense was fighting for control as he kissed back. No, this is wrong....his mind told him. But then why did it feel so right? He wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and held him closer, putting one hand behind the Quatre's head, his fingers buried in the pale hair at the nape of the other's neck. He was definately aroused and could feel the other responding in kind. He pulled away, blinking to get the fog from his head. "Don't you think we should stop?")  
("Why would I wanna stop?" Quatre asked, tilting his head innocently, then bursting into a fit of slurred giggles. "You really are cu~ute sometimes Wa-chan..." He pressed his lower half against the other's and emitted a pleasured sigh.)  
(Trowa's mind was starting to clear. They were taking advatage of each other, it was the alcohol. He started to push against the body above him. "No, Quatre, you have to get off.")  
(Quatre giggled. "I'm tryin'.")  
(Trowa blushed and suddenly felt dizzy. Quatre was kissing his neck, and rubbing against him. The movements were clumsy, inexperienced, but were still effective. "Q-Quatre....this isn't right...")  
(Quatre stopped the movement of his lower regions and paused for a long moment as if considering. Nuzzling against the warm flesh below Trowa's ear, he kissed it softly and Trowa thought he felt the wetness of a tear fall against his neck. "I love you, Trowa..." he whispered, barely loud enough for the other to hear.)  
(Trowa blinked, wondering if he'd heard right.....no, probably not....)  
(But the words sunk deep in his chest, stirring something there, and as Quatre started to move again he no longer struggled against it. He wrapped his arms around the pale boy and began to respond, pulling the blanket over them.)   
  
"Heero stop!!" Quatre heard Duo shout as the Japanese pilot tore through the kitchen and headed for the hanger, face angry. Quatre looked up from his bowl of cereal (even though it was almost two in the afternoon) as Duo ran after the other pilot.  
"Quatre, you gotta help!" Duo gasped, running up to the blonde pilot, dragging him to his feet and toward the door that led outside which Heero and just disappeared through.  
"What's going on?" Quatre asked, bewildered look on his face.  
Duo looked guitly. "I told Heero what happened and he thinks Trowa raped you....I think you can guess the rest!"  
"WHAT?!!!" Quatre screamed and jetted through the door. He could see Heero at the door of the hanger, almost three hundred feet away. "Heero!! STOP!!" he screamed, but Heero was gone. Oh God, Heero's gonna kill him! He could feel Duo sprinting after him but couldn't wait for the other to catch up. He had to get to the hanger in time..  
...and hopefully prevent Trowa's death.  
  
  
Trowa was making repairs to Heavyarms when he heard footsteps coming toward him. He looked up just to see a fist come at him. It hit him square in the jaw, sending him flying against the Gundam. In a blur he saw Heero, fists flying. His head went flying to the side and blood splattered from his mouth and rained against the gundam's surface. The tall pilot landed heavily on the floor, trying to regain his composer before Heero began to pummel him again.  
"Heero!!!!" Trowa yelled, holding up his arm to protect his face. "What are you doing?!!"  
Heero said nothing but grabbed Trowa by his hair and began to drag him along the floor. Trowa struggled, trying to break the grip just before his head smashed against the surface of Wing Zero. He groaned and fell to the ground. Heero was apon him again but Trowa turned his own force against him and managed to flip the Japanese pilot over his head and onto the floor and tried to hold him down. "Heero! What the HELL are you doing?!!!"   
Heero backhanded him and that was it. Trowa hit him back, sending the other reeling, sliding along the floor.  
Then Quatre was there, yelling, screaming in terror for them to stop. Duo ran up next to him, putting his hands to his head in confusion.  
Heero and Quatre were rolling on the floor now, pummeling each other as hard as they could. Trowa's fist connected with Heero's ribcage, causing the dark young man to growl. Trowa felt a blow hit him in the face, his jaw. Then suddenly Heero was gone. Wufei, who'd been working on his own gundam not too far away, had arrived and was pulling him back.  
Trowa stood, hands were helping him up. Quatre and Duo.  
Heero stuggled in Wufei's grip, snarling. "Bastard! I WON'T let you get away with it!!"  
Quatre shook his head frantically. "Heero, no! It wasn't like that! He didn't rape me!!"  
Trowa's eyes were wide and he looked to Quatre and Duo. "Who said I raped anyone?!"  
"Heero, calm down." Wufei told the raging pilot.  
Trowa turned to Heero. "Heero, I never-"  
But Heero's elbow had connected with Wufei's stomach, sending the chinese man reeling in pain, releasing him.  
And Heero was coming at Trowa.  
Ready to kill him.  
He was only three steps away when Trowa released his fist to hit him. All the force he had was behind it. It was a perfect shot.  
But something went horribly wrong.  
There was a blur of yellow and blue between the two and Trowa's fist connected with a jaw, then there was a crack of a rib as Heero's blow hit....  
....Quatre.  
"NO!!!" Trowa heard Duo scream somewhere in the back of his mind.  
Everything paused, no one breathed, it was as if the world had stopped.  
Heero stepped back, unharmed, staring at the two before him.  
Trowa and Quatre.  
Both their eyes were wide, staring into each others.  
"Quatre...." Trowa whispered. God no.....I didn't...I hit him....  
The blonde's eyes unfocused, blood falling from his mouth, puddling onto the floor. His eyes rolled back in his head and he fell forward, sagging against the tall pilot.  
Trowa caught him, dragging him carefully to the ground. Quatre's eyes were closed, his breath ragged.  
"Quatre!!" Trowa yelled, shaking him. "Why did you do that?! Oh God, please wake up..."  
Heero had backed up, staring down at Quatre's limp form, then at his still clenched fist. He paled.  
"We-we have to get him to his room." Duo stammered.  
Trowa's body was shaking as he rocked the limp body of his dearest friend in his arms. "Oh God, Quatre, I'm so sorry."  
"Trowa, let's get him in bed." he heard Wufei say. "Duo, call a doctor!"  
Trowa picked Quatre up, who gave a small moan of pain, and moved past the others, ignoring his injuries and proceeded up the stairs.  
  
  
"How is he?" Wufei asked, arms folded over his chest as the doctor came out of Quatre's room.  
"In a lot of pain." the doctor replied. "His rib is fractured and there is severe bruising on the left side of his face. He's lucky nothing else was broken." He looked back into the room. Quatre lay face up on the bed, his breathing was even. His left cheek was a mass of black and purple bruises in the shape of a fist. "He needs rest. Don't allow him to move too much and keep his talking minimized."  
"Thanks Doc." Duo shook the doctors hand. "We'll pass the information on."  
  
Trowa was bent over the toilet in the bathroom, proceeding to vomit. More tears stained his cheeks and he coughed painfully. His body was completely numb when he finished, sitting on the floor, leaning his head against the sink. Sobs racked his body and he gripped the edge of the porcelain next to him to stop the shaking. He didn't know how long he'd been there, hours at least.  
None of this would have happened if I had just stopped everything last night...  
It's my fault that Quatre is-is....oh God....  
He felt like vomiting again, but luckily there was nothing left in him.  
It wasn't just him, he shared the blame with Heero.  
But Heero didn't feel anything for Quatre.  
Trowa did.   
Didn't he?  
There was a knock at the door.  
"Go away." he managed.  
"Trowa, please let me in...." It was Duo. Trowa sighed, knowing very well that the braided baka wouldn't go away until he was let in.  
"It's open."  
The door creaked and Duo stepped in, seeing Trowa on the floor of the dark bathroom. "Are you okay?"  
Trowa felt tears come again and he covered his eyes with his arm. "No." he managed to croak.  
Trowa the silent, the unpenitrable, was breaking down.  
And Duo was suddenly scared for him.  
He sat down next to Trowa, his arm going over the other's shoulder, rubbing the arm. "He's okay, Trowa, he'll be fine."  
"God, I didn't even SEE him." Trowa hung his head. They sat in silence for God-knows-how-long. Another hour maybe.  
Trowa had stopped quietly crying but his body was still shaking. His eyes were closed, his face aimed at the ceiling.  
"He's alright?"  
Duo nodded. "If it makes you feel any better, Heero did more damage. One of his ribs is broken."  
Trowa groaned, his body sagging. He had a feeling his stomach itself would end up in the toilet next.  
"Sorry." the shinigami pilot offered weakly. "Guess that didn't help much..."  
Trowa closed his eyes. "None of this would have happened if we hadn't...if I'd just stopped when I had the chance...."  
"Why didn't you?" Duo asked.  
Trowa sighed. ".....he...he said he loved me....and me, the drunken bastard Trowa Barton, believed him...I knew he was drunk and I still couldn't stop...."  
"Do you love him?"  
Trowa's shoulders sagged. "I guess..." he shrugged. "He's probably the closest friend I have."  
Duo blinked. "Oh..." He let out a sigh. "You should at least go see him..."  
"I can't." Trowa replied. "Not now. Not after what I did."  
Duo's eyes turned to slits. "Hey. Just because you guys made a few mistakes doesn't mean you should stop talking all together. Trowa, Quatre's not mad at you. If he was would he have defended you against Heero? Come on! He knew what he was getting into. Besides Wufei you guys are the strongest ones here, and he jumped in the middle of you two during a slugfest. That's a friend." He patted Trowa's shoulder. "Don't worry about Heero, I'll talk to him." He grinned stupidly. "Or I'll just screw him until he forgets all about it."  
"Shut up." Trowa muttered.  
  
  
  
Trowa pacing like a caged tiger in front of Quatre's door for amlost an hour, trying to decide whether to go in or not.  
It had been more than a week since the accident and he still hadn't seen Quatre.  
Yeah, he thought coldly to himself, the accident...  
He sat down in the dark brown, antique wooden chair by the door and sagged, waiting quietly.  
As he waited, he heard voices in the room. One of them was light, Quatre's, but the other was too low and deep to hear. He couldn't understand what they were saying, they spoke too quietly.  
At least Quatre was awake, and from the ofteness of his voice he must have been feeling better.  
That thought made Trowa feel a little better, but that didn't stop the heated lump that seemed to drag his heart into his stomach.  
Suddenly he heard the door open and his head raised. His eyes went wide as Heero walked out, eying him.  
He shut the door behind him and he stood, glad for the four or five inches he had over him.  
"I was appologizing." Heero said quietly. He looked at the door. "Neither of us meant to hit him, Trowa. I didn't even see him until it was too late."  
That doesn't make it right, Trowa thought to himself. "Is he asleep now?"  
"No." Heero shook his head. "I think he's a little hurt that you haven't come to see him. He tries not to show it, but he's a bad liar." Heero turned and walked down the hallway. "Oh, by the way, Trowa, if you ever hurt Quatre again, I'll kill you." he added before disappearing around the corner.  
Trowa stood in front of Quatre's door alone, staring at it.  
Then he knocked.  
"Come in."  
He turned the doornob and stepped in.  
Quatre was sitting up in bed with a book on his lap. When he looked up as Trowa entered his face turned to surprise. "Hi."  
"Hi." The other managed to reply.  
Quatre patted the edge of the bed next to him, urging Trowa to sit. Trowa swallowed and walking stiffly, did so.  
For a few seconds, neither of them spoke.  
Trowa tried not to look at the bruise he'd given him. It was considerably smaller, a purple blemish only about the size of a quarter on the milky skin of Quatre's jaw, but it was there.  
Proof of what he'd done.  
"It's not as bad as it looks." he assured Trowa with a weak smile. "Really. I can hardly feel it."  
"I'm really sorry..." Trowa muttered. "....I didn't even see you. "Suddenly his head jerked up. "Why the hell did you jump in anyway? It was stupid, you could have been hurt a lot worse than you are now!"  
Quatre looked down at his hands and shrugged. "I couldn't just let Heero hurt you for something that was my fault too." he smirked lightly. "You should be thanking me. Heero hits hard."  
"It's not funny." Trowa snapped. "I thought I'd killed you."  
Quatre eyed him." I can take a hit better than THAT, Trowa. Give me SOME credit. And it's not my fault you guys hit so hard."  
"Hn." Trowa stood and walked to the window, pulling the curtain aside, watching the rain. "None of this would have happened if I'd just stopped when I had the chance..."  
"That night?" He heard Quatre ask, uncomfotably.  
Trowa nodded.  
"You remember everything?"  
"Not everything." Trowa rubbed a hand over his eyes. "We were both VERY drunk."  
He heard Quatre shift on the bed. "Trowa? Can I ask you...kind of an awkward question?"  
The taller young man turned, watching Quatre as he stared at his hands. He tilted his head and leaned back against the wall. "Go for it."  
The blonde's face flushed. "Do you....do you remember if I liked it?"  
Trowa blinked at him. He had a right to ask. It had, after all, been his first time. The taller pilot let out a sigh as he recalled the night they had shared. "I think you did."  
Quatre didn't look at him. "Did you?" his voice cracked lightly.  
Trowa sighed and sat down on the edge of the edge of the bed. "Yes and no.....Yes...well...yes because...I wanted to. And you were...." he faultered, then looked over at the nervous blonde. "Why do you always cover yourself up?"  
Quatre shrugged, trying to comprehend Trowa's words as he answered. "I don't want anyone to make fun of me, I guess."  
"I don't know why you do....you're beautiful." Trowa told him, meaining it.  
Quatre blushed as he frowned. "No I'm not. I look like a twelve year old." He paused, hesitantly looking up at Trowa. "You really think that?"  
Trowa nodded and smirked. "Then again, I probably saw more of you than anyone else has."  
"Trowa!!" Quatre cried, blushing again as he pushed the taller pilot, almost knocking him off the bed. "I'm glad you see the humor in this!"  
Trowa laughed and patted his friend gently on the shoulder. "I'm glad to see you aren't mad anymore."  
Quatre looked down and sighed. "I wasn't mad...just alittle scared and confused. I didn't know what was going on..." he studied his fingernail. "After you left I was afraid that I did something wrong, like I'd hurt you."  
"You didn't. " Trowa assured him.  
"I didn't even think you WANTED to, let alone with a guy." Quatre looked embarassed. "You know, after everything that happened to you when you were little..."  
Trowa's face turned a little sad. "Neither did I..."  
"I'm sorry. I guess that's what alcohol can do to you...." He huffed. "Boy, am I never drinking again!"  
Trowa studied the blond, smirking lightly. "Quatre?"  
The latter looked up, eyes questioning. "Yes?"  
Trowa tilted his head. "Do you love me?"  
Quatre stared at the taller young man, his face going pale. "What do you mean?"  
"That night....you said you loved me." Trowa watched him. "Do you?"  
Quatre paused for a moment, blinking at him, rubbing his arms tentatively before he finally replied.  
"Yes...." he bit his lip, looking ashamed. "I'm sorry..."  
Trowa's eyes went wide. "For what? You didn't do anything wrong." Quatre didn't look very reassured as tears pooled in his eyes. Trowa sighed and leaned foreward, wrapping his arms around his friend, careful not to hurt his rib. "Quatre, it's alright. I'm not mad. Don't cry. You're probably just confused, you don't know WHAT your feeling..."  
"I just wanted you to know..." Quatre winced at the words. Trowa was laughing at him, patronizing him. It hurt, even more than the physical blows that had come before. He pulled away, looking to the side, away from Trowa. He wiped a hand over his eyes. "You don't have to humor me because you feel guilty."  
Trowa's eyes widened again. "What?" Then he sighed, his face turning apologetic. "You're serious, aren't you?" He put a hand on Quatre's shoulder but the blonde shoved it away.  
"I'm not some little kid who doesn't understand his own emotions. You all treat me like a child and I'm not. I hate how there's always someone hovering over me, trying to protect me. I don't need a babysitter Trowa! I have to tell Heero to back off because I can't stand it when he tries to guard me...he treats me like his little brother...you all do...It's so lonely having all of you not listen or take me seriously. None of you know me! You just see sweet little innocent Quatre....don't tough him or he'll break...Well, I'm a gundam pilot, I killed people too, but I've never been an equal to any of you...and I can't handle that anymore...especially from you..." Quatre let out a sigh as Trowa watched him, listening. The blonde calmed down, looking at the wall, eyes so welled up he could hardly see out of them. "I think I loved you from the begining....I never told you how I felt because I didn't want you to laugh, or patronize me, or be completely disgusted....but what scared me the most is that I didn't want to hurt you...I didn't want to BE hurt..." he laughed sadly. "Then the next thing you know I wake up and..." he trailed off his eyes going wide. He reached up and ran a finger across Trowa's cheek. "Trowa...you...you're crying.."   
Quatre was suddenly scared. "Oh God, oh God Trowa...I..." He wrapped his arms around the other pilot. "I'm sorry."   
"It's nothing." Trowa muttered, wondering where the tears had come from and why they wouldn't stop, why he didn't try to make them stop.  
He could feel arms go around him and for a second he wanted to fight, memories returning...but then he heard Quatre calling his name, rocking him back and forth. He let out a small sigh and pulled his arms up, wrapping them around the body that held him and leaned against it.  
It was the most wonderful feeling he'd ever had.  
Trowa made a sound in his throat and pulled Quatre's face to his, kissing him. Quatre stiffenened at the sudden contact, his chest heaving as he returned the kiss. Trowa's hands moved to his face, pulling him closer, as Quatre felt something brush against his lower lip. He opened his mouth, feeling Trowa's tongue slip in, meeting his own.   
He closed his eyes and tried to lean forward more but hissed in pain, freezing up as Trowa pulled away, concern lining his face.  
"Stupid rib." The blonde said, smiling weakly, holding his side.  
"Gomen.." Trowa managed, leaning back on his hands, face flushing.  
Quatre leaned back against the headboard again still and reached out gently to brush his hand against Trowa's. His fingers curled through the darker, longer fingers and pulled them closer to him, along with the body they were attatched to.  
As soon as Trowa was close enough, Quatre smiled, running his finger along the taller pilot's cheek, brushing away the dampness. "I never thought it would be so horrible...."  
Trowa dried his other cheek, swallowing heavily. "What?"  
"Seeing you cry..." The blonde replied, moving his hand up to stroke the dark brown hair of the other. "It was kind of scary....I'M supposed to be the sappy, sensitive one..."   
"Hn.." Trowa replied. "So, you're pretty sure how you feel about me? I mean, it's not going to be one of those stupid crushes Duo gets all the time, is it?"  
Quatre smirked. "If leaning forward wasn't unbearably painful at the moment, I'd kiss you." He tilted his head. "If you want me to prove it to you, you can always come over here."  
Trowa smiled, saying nothing, and leaned forward.  
"ITAI!!!!!" Duo screamed from the next room. "DAMMIT!! LEGGO OF MY HAIR!!! GOD!!! YOU'RE ALWAYS SO ROUGH!!!"  
Quatre made a suprised noise and Trowa stopped, his face just an inch from the others. They both looked at one another before exploding into a fit of laughter.  
"I DON'T even wanna know..." Quatre muttered, looking at the wall.  
"As if we can't guess..." Trowa replied.  
"But it's only three-thirty...." Quatre looked at the clock on the wall, then blushed. "God, they go at it like rabbits...."  
Trowa laughed, ruffling the blonde's hair. "Get some rest."  
"How CAN I with "the ambigiously gay Duo" next door?" His face flushed an even brighter crimson.  
"I HEARD that!" Duo's muffled voice called through the wall.  
"Eavesdropper!" Quatre shouted back.  
Trowa laughed again, eying Quatre. "You'll live."  
"Yes, but I'll be very tired." The blonde replied pointedly. "And you shouldn't talk. You don't have to hear them go at it every night. You were smart and took the room that was farthest away..." He let out a sigh.  
"Can you guys move into the guest room?!" Trowa called, knocking on the wall. "Quatre needs rest!"  
Duo whined. "But we're halfway undressed already!" another voice muttered something and Duo huffed. "Fine!"  
"There." Trowa turned back to Quatre, folding his arms over his chest. "All better."  
"Thanks." Quatre smiled warmly before starting to pull the blankets around him again.  
"Do you need some help settling in?" Trowa offered, walking back toward the bed.  
"Sure." Quatre smiled and lay down carefully so as not to jar his rib again. Trowa began to tuck the blanket around him and he sighed. "So what now?"  
"You sleep." Trowa replied, tilting his head and smirking. "D'uh."  
Quatre rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh. "I mean with us."  
Trowa finished tucking in the smaller boy and leaned over him, planting a kiss on his forehead, then sighed in his ear. "I love you too, Quatre. We can talk more later, after you rest."  
Quatre smiled and kissed the flesh closest to him, Trowa's neck, settling back into his bed.  
"KAWAII!!!" Duo yelled.  
"Duo, you stupid, eavesdropping, baka!!" Trowa sighed loudly. "Will you and Heero LEAVE already?!"  
Duo laughed. "Who said I was with HEERO?"  
Trowa and Quatre looked at one another and blinked, listening to Duo's cackling laughter.   
Quatre let out a wary sigh. "God, he's such a hentai...."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~Owari~  
  
.....for now....(Sequel anyone?-let me know what you think....)  
  



End file.
